When I was a kid, my abuela, who lived with us until she died at the age of 97, used to call me Tonto. It wasn't a Lone Ranger reference, as my Anglo friends assumed, but rather a Spanish non-endearment meaning "foolish." Hard as it might be to believe, I wasn't always the smooth, self-assured guy I am now, and back then I had a bit of a reputation for making spectacularly idiotic decisions and generally making, well, a fool out of myself. There was this one time involving a goat...well, I don't like to talk about it.

The point is, if Abuelita could see me now -- well, if she were alive and walked in on me at this very moment, let's face it, she'd probably drop dead from shock and disgust, making her resurrection short-lived. But her last word to me before she hit the floor would definitely be "Tonto."

I pulled against the handcuffs chaining me to the headboard and sighed.

*****

It all started when Donna Moss, who, unbeknownst to me at the time, was an evil mastermind in disguise, stuck her head into my undersized office in a dank corner of the west wing and gave me a suspiciously wide smile. "Hi, Bram."

"Hey," I said, quickly minimizing the open internet window on my monitor. What I browse during my lunch time is nobody's business but my own. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner tonight," she said, leaning against the doorway.

"To...Josh's place?" I asked.

"To our place, yes. I'm making fra diavlo."

Referencing the devil, even in the name of pasta, should have set off alarm bells in my head, but overriding all superstition was the fact that I was underpaid and overworked at the White House, which meant I was getting pretty sick of cheap takeout. "I guess," I said. "Any special occasion?"

"I just thought Josh should make more of an effort to socialize with his staff outside of the office," Donna said. "I'll probably be asking everyone, eventually. So...see you at 8?"

"Sure," I said, at this point pretty excited by the thought of a free meal. "Can I bring anything?" I was hoping she'd say no. Like I said: underpaid.

"Just yourself," Donna said with an odd expression, and walked away. Score. I tried not to look at her ass as she left because, you know, boss' woman and all, but...okay, maybe I sneaked a peek. I'm only human.

"Fra diaaaaaavlo," I muttered happily to myself, and went back to internet surfing.

When I showed up at Josh and Donna's place that night Josh handed me a glass of wine almost as soon as I was through the door.

"You're a red man, right?" Josh asked, handing me the glass. He held his own glass in his other hand, and it was half empty already. Guess they started partying early at Casa Moss-Lyman.

"Sure," I said, taking a sip. Not bad. Not that I would know the difference, really -- as long as it had alcohol, I was more than satisfied. "Thanks for having me over, it's really cool of you," I added, hoping I didn't sound too kiss-ass. Nobody likes a kiss-ass.

"Thank Donna, it was her idea," Josh said. The boss was still dressed in his work clothes, but his tie was gone and his shirt was unbuttoned a couple buttons. He also seemed a bit flushed, but I chalked it up to the wine. "Speaking of which -- Donna!" he yelled, in a tone of voice that sounded like it had had a lot of practice.

"Stop yelling," I heard Donna say before I saw her. She emerged from the kitchen with a wine glass of her own in one hand. Unlike Josh, she had changed out of her work clothes and into this silky red wrap dress that hugged every curve. Damn. "You look great," I said before I could stop myself. What can I say. I like the ladies, and the ladies usually like me.

"Thanks, Bram," she said with a smile, then glanced at Josh, who glanced back at her with a weird look on his face. Must have been one of those couple-type communications or something. "I'm so glad you could make it. Dinner's going to be ready any second if you guys want to have a seat at the table. And no, I don't need any help, thanks for asking, Josh," she said with a look I'd seen her give him many times before.

"You didn't even give me a chance to offer!" he protested, and his voice went up in kind of a girly way at the end, there. She didn't respond, just went back into the kitchen. Josh looked at me in male solidarity.

"Women," I said knowingly.

He nodded in agreement. "Come on, have a seat," he said, leading the way to the small dining table nestled into an alcove off the living room. The table was set, I was relieved to see, with regular dinner plates instead of fancy china. That would have been weird -- too formal for the likes of me. I sat down across from Josh, and almost as soon as my ass hit the chair Donna approached with a steaming bowl of linguine and mussels in what I assumed was a fra diavlo sauce.

"That looks fantastic," I said, although I was pretty sure there was no way I was going to make it through this experience without ruining my white dress shirt. And it was new, too. Damn.

"Thanks, Bram," Donna said. "For that, you get first helping." She served me up a bowl, then handed the serving spoon to Josh so he could help himself. His brow crinkled, but he didn't say anything. Smart man.

I dug in to the pasta, slurping up a good mouthful. It had some heat to it, but nothing I wasn't used to. I made sounds of yumminess to show my appreciation.

"Holy god, Donna!" Josh gasped. "This is freaking spicy!"

"I told you I was making it spicy," she said, and there was something in her eyes I couldn't figure out. "You were all for making it spicy."

"Right," Josh said, and looked back down at his bowl. He blew out a breath and grabbed his wine glass, downed the rest of the liquid. "Great."

"It's not too spicy for me, Donna," I assured her. "I eat spicier stuff than this all the time."

"Oh," Donna said. "Really?"

"Yeah, this is no problem for me," I said.

"I see." Donna grabbed her own glass and drained it. She was looking pretty flushed herself. "Is there more wine?" she said, fanning herself.

"Absolutely," Josh said. He picked up the bottle and poured her a full glass, which she started drinking immediately. Wow, I didn't know Donna was such a drinker. I mean, she drank on the campaign, but no more than the rest of us. Josh poured himself some more as well, and topped mine off, too. Cool. The wine, whatever kind it was, went really well with the sauce.

We made some small talk for a while, enjoying the food (at least I was), but after a while I could tell that both Josh and Donna were in some distress. "It sure is hot," Donna said. Her cheeks were really pink now. "Josh, aren't you hot?"

"Yeah," Josh said. "In fact..." He got up from his chair and unbuttoned his dress shirt, took it off, leaving his undershirt. That was a little weird.

"That's better," he said, and sat back down. "Bram, you should feel free --"

"I'm fine," I told him.

"Are you sure?" Donna asked. "I'm so hot, myself..." She pulled the neckline of her dress open wide so that it bloused down a little, and I caught a glimpse of red bra. Yikes. "I really shouldn't have made the sauce so spicy," she said. "I apologize."

"I told you -- I'm fine," I said, wondering why they didn't seem to believe me. Man, these two would be in real trouble if they ever tried my abuela's chile pepper empanadas.

"More wine?" Josh asked, holding up the bottle.

"Uh, sure," I said. I was starting to feel a little loopy, to be honest, but if they weren't going to slow down, neither was I. Maybe getting drunk together was their idea of boss-employee bonding or something. And the glassy look in Josh's eyes told me that he, at least, was well on his way.

"So, Bram," Donna said, swigging more from her own glass, "seeing anyone these days? Or should I say, how many someones are you seeing these days?" She smiled at her own joke.

"No one special," I said truthfully. "I'm dating a couple people, but nothing serious. Just the usual." I thought about mentioning the chick I picked up in Adams Morgan last week, but that didn't seem like appropriate conversation in front of my boss.

"That's too bad," Donna said. And put her hand on my knee.

"Donna," Josh said, and I assumed he was trying to point out to his girlfriend that maybe her putting her hand on my knee wasn't the greatest idea she'd ever had. But he just said, "Don't start with that matchmaker stuff tonight. Leave him alone."

"Fine," she said, and she pouted a little, which was actually kind of sexy. Shit. Don't go there. Although it would be a hell of a lot easier not to go there if her hand wasn't currently rubbing my knee. I looked over at Josh, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, there was a gleam in his eyes that I found a little disconcerting.

"Why don't we move this into the living room," Donna said in this husky voice I'd never heard her use before, and I gulped. "That is...if you're done eating."

"Sure," I said, having no idea what else to say. She took her hand from my knee and got up from the table, then led the way into the living room and sat down on the couch. I took the armchair, figuring Josh would join Donna on the sofa, but instead he said, "I'm going to hit the bathroom," gave Donna an indecipherable look, and disappeared.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "So," I began. "Seen any good movies lately?"

"Do you think I'm attractive?" Donna asked.

I blinked. "What?"

"Do you think I'm attractive," she repeated. Her lips were parted, her skin still flushed.

Was that a trick question? "Yes?" I said, hoping it was the right answer.

"Good," Donna murmured, and got up from the couch. She stood in front of me and proceeded to unwrap her wrap dress, letting it fall to the floor. She was wearing a red bra and red panties and nothing else. Well, and red pumps. But that was it.

WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo -- "Donna, I --"

I didn't get to finish my sentence, thanks to Donna jumping into my lap, straddling me and sticking her tongue down my throat.

I stuck my arms straight out on either side so that I wasn't touching her at all, and tried to pull my mouth away from hers, but there was no escape. Plus, well, it's possible I wasn't trying all that hard. She was a really good kisser.

"You started without me?" I heard Josh say. Oh, shit.

Donna broke the kiss and looked over at him. And smiled. "Hope you don't mind," she said.

"Not at all." Josh walked over to us and embraced Donna from behind, running his hand over her breasts, her shoulders. Donna purred (purred, I swear) and leaned back into his touch.

Um. Huh? I tried to make my brain work, to say something, anything. "Maybe I should get going," I finally squeaked.

"You don't really want to do that, do you Bram?" Josh asked. He squeezed Donna's tits, making her moan, and my dick stirred. Donna must have felt the hardening through my pants because she gave me a knowing smile. "If you stay, I think we can make it worth your while," Josh continued. He slid his hand down Donna's torso and into her underpants. She gasped in a breath and bucked against me. Holy shit.

I want you to picture this for a minute. I'm sitting in an armchair with my boss' girlfriend on my lap, in her underwear, while my boss stands behind her with his hand down her pants, getting her off.

Penthouse wouldn't even believe me. And I've read some of those letters. You know, in college.

Donna reached behind her back and undid the clasp on her bra, then pushed the straps down her arms and threw the garment aside. So now I was eye level with her bare breasts, which were...well, they were pretty damn fine. They weren't huge or anything, but they were a nice enough size and perky as hell.

And that was pretty much when I just went for it. I mean, I'm a guy. You can't show me bare boobs and not expect me to react. Bare boobs are kryptonite. Wait. Maybe that's not the best comparison.

Whatever. The point is, I took the plunge and leaned forward to take one of her nipples into my mouth. At first I just gently ran my tongue over it, since I didn't know how she liked it.

She moaned, then whispered, "Harder."

Okay then.

So I took the hardened tip between my teeth and nibbled vigorously, periodically pulling my head back to tease the nipple taut. She dug her fingernails into my shoulder, so I guess she liked it. Josh meanwhile kept stroking her between her legs and started kissing her neck while he was at it. I opened my eyes at one point and saw him watching me. I closed my eyes again, not really wanting to dwell on that.

"Oh, god," Donna murmured. I moved my mouth to her other breast. "Oh, Josh."

God, Josh...wasn't I contributing too? I tried not to let it get to me, instead focused on how my pants were getting damp from Donna's crotch. I guess Josh did deserve some credit for that.

Just then Donna went rigid, arched against my mouth, and promptly came, in a production number of screams and shivers and I think she said Josh's name again. Geez.

"That was nice," she murmured, her chest still heaving. Her breasts bobbed in front of me.

"And we're just getting started," Josh said. "Right, Bram?"

"Uh, sure," I said, figuring at this point that in spite of the weirdness of the situation, I might as well stick around until I got off, too. My dick was killing me.

Donna smiled down at me, then got up off my lap and took me by the hands. "Come with me," she said, leading me toward the bedroom, clad in nothing but her panties. Josh brought up the rear.

And putting Josh and rear in the same sentence made me wonder if I was going to be expected to...shit. "I'm not gay," I blurted out.

Donna laughed throatily; I heard Josh say, "Neither am I."

"It's all the same in the dark, Bram," Donna said, folding her arms over her breasts.

"It's really not."

"Why are you still dressed?" she asked me, ignoring my last statement.

It did seem a little rude that she was mostly naked and Josh and I were still fully clothed. I took off my shoes, shirt, pants; while I did, Josh walked over to a dresser next to the bed, pulled open the top drawer.

And pulled out a pair of handcuffs.

"What the hell are those for?" I yelped.

Donna stepped over to me, slipped her hand down the front of my boxers and wrapped her hand around my cock. My breath froze in my throat and I almost choked.

"Do you want to play with us or not?" she asked, nipping at my lower lip.

I groaned, helpless beneath her touch. No point in stopping now, I thought. Think of the great story you'll be able to tell later. Who I would tell, I had no idea. Otto certainly couldn't handle it. Lou could, but that would be weird. Anyway, that wasn't important right now, so -- "Yeah," I gasped.

"Good." She took a step back. "Lie down on the bed."

I did as I was told, nervousness bubbling in my stomach; while Josh took hold of my hands and looped the handcuffs around a slat in the headboard, securing me there, Donna slipped my boxers down my legs. "Very nice," she said approvingly.

I grinned at her. "I get that a lot."

Was she trying not to laugh? "I bet you do," she said. Josh finished chaining me to the bed and walked over to her; the two of them kissed for a while as I watched. It was weird, but I had to admit it was hot, too.

They finally separated; Donna gave Josh a look I couldn't read, then shimmied out of her panties, while Josh began to take off his own clothing. Donna climbed up onto the bed and straddled me at my waist; I could feel the wetness of her crotch against my skin. She bent over and took one of my nipples into my mouth, lapping her tongue over it like a damn cat. I gasped, involuntarily tugged against the cuffs.

Donna raised her head, looked at me; then looked back at Josh, who by this time was naked, standing near the foot of the bed, watching us intently. His cock was fully hard; I tried not to look too closely, but from what I could tell, the size was fine but nothing to write home about.

"Aren't we the smug one," Donna murmured, catching my expression, and I looked back at her guiltily. She favored me with an enigmatic smile, then turned herself around so that she was still straddling me, but facing Josh instead. Josh approached her and grabbed the back of her head, drawing her mouth to his again. Donna took hold of my cock; then with her other hand reached out to stroke Josh's. She stroked us in tandem, Josh still kissing her, me lying flat on my back and wondering how in the hell I had managed to end up here. I wasn't even drunk. Not really. I should have had more wine at dinner.

Josh and Donna broke the kiss, and I heard him whisper, "I want to watch him eat you."

I gulped. Apparently I didn't have any say in the matter. Not that I would have protested in any case. In fact, the anticipation made my dick grow harder, which I didn't think was possible at this point.

Donna pressed a kiss to the hollow of Josh's throat, then backed herself up, still facing Josh, hovering over me, and positioned her cunt over my face; I flicked out my tongue to let her know I was cool with it, and she responded by settling her knees on either side of my head, pushing her hot, wet warmth against my mouth. I lapped at her as best I could from my position, especially since I couldn't use my hands to adjust her. She tasted smoky, tart -- not entirely unlike Donna herself. I flickered my tongue against her clit and was rewarded by her finally moaning my name. Her thighs pressed against my head. God, she was wet. I moved my tongue in and out of her opening, then went back to working her clit.

"That feels so good," I heard Donna say, and I had a feeling she was talking to Josh, not me. Well, at least I knew she was enjoying herself. But I really wanted her to say my name again.

"Josh," she said then (sheesh), and after a moment's pause I felt him join us on the bed. I kept doing what I was doing, figuring he was just going to keep watching us, but the next thing I knew someone's mouth closed over my dick, and considering our current position, it couldn't have been Donna.

I reflexively jerked away; not easy to accomplish when you're in handcuffs and have a woman sitting on your face. I felt hairy man legs frame my thighs to keep me still, then a hot, wet mouth started seriously going to town on my cock.

Not gay my ass.

Okay, unfortunate word choice, there. My sphincter clenched in response.

Thing was, the fact that it was a guy sucking my cock didn't change another fact: it felt damn good. Damn good. And Donna's clit under my tongue felt pretty damn good too.

Jesus Mary and Joseph, who were these people?

I had a feeling that once I got Donna off, Josh might stop what he was doing and turn his attention back to his woman. So I speeded up the movements of my tongue, working Donna's clit steadily, quickly, exerting uniform pressure, and she shifted above me, no doubt moving herself into just the right spot.

"Oh my god," I heard her say, and knew she was close. I tried to ignore the fire engulfing my cock and concentrated on what I was doing. Finally, she came, grinding herself into my face, emitting a stream of high-pitched cries (and my name! Yes!). Josh's mouth left my cock -- he must have stopped to watch her. I couldn't help but feel a bit relieved, although, as always, my dick had a mind of its own and cried out for more.

When her orgasm subsided, Donna lifted herself up and lay down next to me, then turned my face to hers and kissed me full on the mouth despite the fact that her wetness was all over me. Guess she liked that sort of thing.

"That was wonderful," she said to me, and, okay, I grinned. I do always like to hear about a job well done.

"He's not finished," Josh said, wrapping his hand around my cock. My hips jerked again. "And from the looks of it, he'd rather you took care of it than me." He held up a condom, which he must have snagged while my vision was, um, obscured.

Donna let out a throaty laugh and ran her palm over my face. "Poor boy," she said with a predatory smile. She then crawled over on all fours to Josh, and it was just about the hottest thing I'd ever seen. When she straightened up, onto her knees, Josh dipped his finger between her legs, then traced the wet digit around her lips and kissed her. Holy Christ. I had to remember that one.

When they were done, they shared another one of those enigmatic looks, then Donna rolled the condom onto my cock and straddled me again, this time taking my shaft in her hand and guiding me inside of her. I slipped in easily, then reflexively pulled against the cuffs. I wanted to touch her.

Donna gave me a knowing smile, but didn't do anything to help. Instead she began undulating on top of me, moving her hips, giving truth to the phrase rocking the cock. And it felt fucking fantastic.

Josh moved in behind her, on his knees, and reached around to cup her breasts with his hands. She leaned back into him and he pinched her pale pink nipples, pulled them taut, rolled them between his fingers. Donna closed her eyes and began moaning steadily, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips, her hips still moving, her muscles clenching around me.

"Fuck her hard, Bram," Josh rasped. He wasn't looking at me when he said it; he was entirely focused on Donna. "She likes it hard."

I tried to obey, thrusting up into her as energetically as I could from my disadvantaged position. Donna responded by opening her eyes and reaching her arms up and back to twine them around Josh's neck. Josh put his hands on Donna's hips and helped her to move faster, harder, impaling her on my cock in a frantic rhythm. It was almost as if she were fucking me through Josh, giving him her weight, letting him dictate her movements.

And even in the midst of my arousal I couldn't help but think that they'd done this before.

Maybe when Donna wasn't clamped around my cock I'd try to figure out who else had been chained to this particular headboard. For now -- for now I was seriously about to come. Whoa. Seriously.

"Gaaaaaaah," I think I yelled. Something like that anyway. I jerked up into her spasmodically, my eyes rolling back into my head as I surrendered to complete release. La madre santa de Dios.

When I was done, I blinked rapidly, breathing hard, trying to will blood back into the vessels in my head. As I tried to form coherent thought I realized that Donna was pulling herself off of me and spreading my legs. The hell? What was she --

She positioned herself between my legs, putting her hands on my hipbones. From his place behind her, Josh pulled Donna's hips up toward him, then slid into her with one smooth motion.

What the hell were these people doing?

They were fucking on top of me was what they were doing.

That moment was when I tragically thought of Abuelita and what she would think if she could see me right now. Then I decided I really needed to desist any and all thoughts of my grandmother at this particular time --

Donna dug her fingers into my hips and looked straight at me, her mouth open, her eyes glittering with excitement. Josh -- well, I was trying not to look at Josh too much, but when I did, he was staring down at Donna, at his cock sliding in and out of her, and I was just thankful he wasn't looking at me too.

That could have been awkward.

Okay, not that the rest of it wasn't awkward. I'm just saying.

"You want it harder?" I heard Josh whisper.

"Yes," Donna bit out, then moaned when he complied. Her breasts bobbed enticingly with the rhythm of her movements and a trickle of sweat trailed down her neck to her collarbone. Her blonde hair was darkly matted in spots; her skin shone with exertion. Uh, yeah. It was hot. Weird, but hot. Which pretty much summed up this entire experience.

I chanced a glance up at Josh; his brow was furrowed in concentration, his mouth sucked in air as he plowed into her. "I'm close," he said, his voice hoarse.

Donna shifted her weight, adjusted her leverage so that she could slip one hand between her legs and work her clit in an effort to catch up with him. She dipped her head, her hair obscuring her face. I could hear her breathing quicken, become more labored. "Come inside me, Josh," I heard her say with what sounded like a whimper.

Josh pumped into her at lightning speed, then came with staccato thrusts and a long, almost girly-sounding groan. They both froze for a long moment, breathing hard, then Josh slipped out of her and grabbed her under her arms, roughly pulling her body back up against his. His hand immediately snaked between her legs and began stroking her clit with strong, fast movements of his fingers. Donna made a mewling sound; her head fell back against his shoulder and her pelvis jutted out toward me, desperately seeking that contact with his fingertips.

It didn't take her long to come for what was, by my count, the third time that night, saying Josh's name over and over again as she did so. Donna was having a pretty good time, I'm thinking. For my part, I was starting to harden again, just slightly, but tried to quash it since I had a feeling my role in tonight's carnival was pretty much at an end. This was Josh and Donna's show, and I was just along for the ride.

Once she managed to catch her breath, Donna twisted her body around so she could kiss Josh, running her palm tenderly down the side of his face. When their lips parted, I heard her say, "Where's the key for poor Bram?"

"I'll get it," Josh said, and hopped off the bed, dick dangling. I averted my eyes.

While he was doing that, Donna leaned over me and pressed her lips to mine with a tenderness that surprised me. We were still kissing when I felt Josh unlock the cuffs chaining me to the headboard; I immediately lowered my hands and buried them in Donna's soft hair, having wanted to do that all night. She let me do that for a little while, let me keep kissing her, then finally she pulled away and gave me a crooked smile. "Thanks, Bram," she said softly. "You're very sweet."

Sweet wasn't quite the word I was looking for, but I was taught always to be gracious when accepting compliments from a lady, so... "Thank you," I said. "This was...this was incredible. Weird, but incredible. Incredibly weird, and...incredible." Smooth.

"Yeah, I'm sorry if that was, you know, too much for you, earlier," Josh said, gesturing to my crotch.

"Don't worry about it," I said, not really wanting to discuss it further. "Uh, has anyone seen my pants?"

The three of us spent the next few moments scavenging our individual items of clothing and getting dressed. I noticed that Donna didn't bother putting any of her underwear back on -- I had a feeling the party was going to start up again once I left.

Josh was a lucky man.

"I am lucky," Josh said, and I realized I'd said that last bit out loud. Oops. Tonto!

"Tonight, I'm the lucky one," Donna said. She pulled her hair up off of her neck to let the sweat cool. "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"

"Without the handcuffs?" I asked.

She managed to pout and smile at once. "Maybe. If you're a good boy."

"I can be very, very good," I informed her.

"So I've learned," she said.

Awesome.

Josh cleared his throat. "So...Bram?" He jerked his thumb toward the doorway.

"Uh, right," I said. I followed Josh out of the bedroom to the front door, where he stopped and turned to face me.

"Needless to say," Josh said, in his best boss voice, "I'm assuming I can count on your...discretion in this matter."

"Of course," I said. "You think I'd go around bragging about this?"

He gave me a look.

"Okay, it's the kind of thing I would brag about, but this particular thing? Not gonna happen," I assured him.

"For the sake of your career, I hope that's true," he said.

"It is," I said hastily. "Hand to God. Dude, you think I would do that to Donna? Or to you, for that matter?"

He held my gaze for a moment, and must have been satisfied with what he saw, because he nodded and opened the door. "In that case, I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah. Hey, is it okay if I come in a little late?" I asked. "I'm pretty wiped."

He gave me another look.

"Right," I said. "I'll see you bright and early."

"Bright and early," Josh repeated, and closed the door in my face.

I stared at the closed door for a moment, mind still reeling. How the hell was I supposed to keep this night to myself? I had to tell somebody. Maybe if I changed the names...

"Dear Penthouse," I murmured as I made my way out of the apartment building. "I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me..."

End.