"You got the popcorn?" Toby asked as Ginger entered the room.

She looked at him, then down at the overflowing bowl of popcorn in
her hand. "No, we were all out," she said, deadpan.

"Just give it to me," he said.

She handed him the bowl, then sat down on a free space on the floor
of CJ's crowded office. "This is so exciting," Ginger said.

"I know, I've never known someone who's been on TV before,"
Margaret said.

Everyone's head swiveled to look at her.

"I mean...other than you people," she said. "On real TV, not...never
mind."

"Everybody shut up," Josh said. He was tensed up on the couch,
sandwiched between Sam and Toby, hunched over with his forearms
on his knees. "It's starting."

The familiar theme music filled CJ's office, and Carol clapped her
hands excitedly. She shifted in her perch on the edge of CJ's desk.

"There she is!" CJ crowed when Donna's face appeared onscreen.
She reached over to hit Carol on the arm, as if Carol couldn't see
Donna for herself.

Without any extended introduction, Alex Trebek began to list the
categories for that day's show.

"Central America? She's going to kick ass at that one," Josh said
with a smug grin.

"And U.S. History! What kind of luck is THAT?" CJ wondered.

"I guess they didn't think to ask her if she's ever conducted a White
House tour before they came up with the categories," Charlie said
from his position leaning against the wall.

"Imagine that," Toby muttered.

The gray-haired game show host took his spot at his podium, and
the questions began; a schoolteacher named Beth had first choice:
Potent Potables for $200.

"You'll be 'wasting away again' when sipping at this Latin-based
concoction," Trebek said theatrically. "Don't forget the salt!"

"What is a margarita!" Sam piped up. Everyone glared at him.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"What is a margarita?" schoolteacher Beth said, echoing Sam.

"I can understand why Donna didn't want to be here," CJ said.
"The tension is killing =me=."

"I tried again to get her to stay, but she insisted she'd be too self-
conscious," Josh said, his eyes not leaving the television screen.
Bound by her non-disclosure agreement, Donna had not divulged
to any of them the results of her week-long sojourn in Los Angeles,
despite their many and varied entreaties. So now her co-workers
were going to find out how she did at the same time as the rest of
America, and Donna had sworn she couldn't bear to witness it.

"Come on, I've seen you drink a Tom Collins!" he yelled when
Donna failed to respond to another clue.

"Calm down," Toby said, munching popcorn. "It's early yet."

"Yeah, she just has to get warmed up," Sam said.

Sure enough, Donna rang in, finally. "What is the Louisiana
Purchase?" she said calmly in response to the first U.S. History
answer.

The office burst into applause when Alex informed Donna she
was correct.

She was also correct on the next five questions. The show went
to commercial right after Donna finished running the category.

"She's winning!" Carol said, raising her fists in the air.

"It's early yet," Toby repeated.

"Shut up and eat your popcorn," CJ told him. He threw a piece
across the room at her; she ducked. "Hey, what are you doing?"
she yelled at Josh.

He looked down at his cell phone. "Calling Donna?"

"No, you're not. Hang it up. NOW, Josh." He sighed and obeyed.

"Some of those clues could really be worded better," Sam said.
"They're sacrificing clarity for folksy idiom. Even the smartest game
show on TV is contributing to the dumbing down of America. They
should take a little more pride in their work, don't you think?"

"You looking for a new job, Sam?" Toby asked.

He shrugged. "I'm just saying."

The show came back from commercial and Trebek spent some time
with each contestant in turn, making insipid chit-chat.

"I hate this part," Ginger said. "Who cares about these people?"

"Well, we kind of care about one of them," Sam pointed out.

"That's different. Kind of. Pass me the popcorn."

"So, Donna," the pixilated Trebek asked, "how long have you been
working at the White House?"

"Since President Bartlet's first day in office," Donna said, seeming a
bit nervous. She wore a pale blue sweater and her hair was neatly
pulled back from her face. She clutched the buzzer tightly in her hand.

"You must meet a lot of interesting people in your line of work,"
Trebek commented.

"That's correct, Alex," Donna said stiffly.

"In fact, it says here," and Trebek consulted his index cards, "that
you once discussed economic policies with a member of the Ukrainian
parliament."

Donna smiled and nodded, visibly relaxing. "I think he was very
sympathetic to the plight of the worker. Of course, he was also
more than a little drunk at the time."

"Oh my god," Josh groaned.

"I see," Trebek said slowly, and gave the camera one of his
patented "look at the crazy!" eye rolls.

"Prick," Toby grunted.

"Let's get back to it," the game show host said, and once again,
they were off.

By the time the first round ended, Schoolteacher Beth was in the
lead with $5000, Donna had $4200, and Accountant Bill, who
had barely registered onscreen, was well behind with $400.

"She's doing well," Sam commented.

"Yeah, but everyone knows Double Jeopardy is where all the money
is," Josh said. "Regular Jeopardy is just a dress rehearsal for the
real thing. Now it's professional ball.

"I watch TV, okay? Get off my back!" he squeaked when everybody
looked at him.

Categories in the Double Jeopardy round included "Anagrams" and
"Before & After," a category which Toby found particularly abhorrent.
"Now you're allowed to talk about them destroying the English
language, Sam," he told his deputy.

"I'm just surprised it took you this long to concede it," Sam said.

"Some pie may have helped that process along."

"Hey, Mutt & Jeff, keep it down over there, would you?" CJ said.
"Donna just moved into the lead."

"What is the Rhine," Donna said. "World Geography for $800,
please."

"Who ever would have thought all those brain cells devoted to
storing useless information would one day actually be of use?" Josh
said.

"I suggest you don't say that to her tomorrow," Charlie said.

"Right."

Ten minutes later, and the results of Final Jeopardy were almost a
foregone conclusion. Donna didn't quite have enough to make the
results of the final question moot, but she was close. Before going
to commercial, Alex Trebek revealed the Final Jeopardy category:
Fictional Characters.

"That shouldn't be too hard," Carol observed.

"I don't know, I think Donna is more of a non-fiction person, really,"
Ginger said.

"Unless she's coming up with reasons for me to give her a raise,"
Josh said.

"Hit him for me, Sam," CJ said calmly.

Sam obliged.

"Ow!" Josh whined.

"Sorry," Sam said. "I'm more scared of her than I am of you."

"Thanks a lot."

The show came back from commercial for the last time, and Alex
revealed the clue: "Although Eliza Bennett is the best known character
from Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice,' she might never have found
true love with Mr. Darcy if not for the exploits of this younger sister."

Silence in the press secretary's office.

"Who the hell knows that?" Josh said scornfully.

"Lydia," Carol said.

"What?"

"Lydia. That's the character's name. She runs off with Mr. Wickham
and hijinks ensue. Everybody knows that."

"Everybody doesn't know that," Josh said. "Maybe girly girls who
threw tea parties for their dolls when they were in kindergarten know
that, but not everybody knows that."

"I know that," Sam said.

Josh opened his mouth to make a response, then thought better of it.

The Final Jeopardy music wound to a close, and all three contestants
put their pens down. Donna looked fairly confident, but it was hard
to tell. She folded her hands in front of her on the podium.

To no one's surprise, Accountant Bill did not get the correct answer --
he'd barely managed to make it to Final Jeopardy in the first place,
having amassed only $500 through the course of the game. Alex
Trebek tried not to be too scathing in his dismissal of Bill's response
("Who is HI MOM?").

Next up was Schoolteacher Beth, who did indeed get the correct
response. Her new total put her ahead of Donna by $2000.

"I can't take this," Margaret said. She and Ginger held hands as
they waited for Donna's question to be revealed. Josh ran his fingers
over his forehead, bleeding nervous energy. Toby munched popcorn.

"So, Donna, what did you put down?" Alex asked. The blue screen
faded away to reveal "Who is Lydia Bennett?" in Donna's penmanship.
"Who is.that does say Lydia, doesn't it?" Trebek asked with a
puzzled frown, peering at Donna's writing.

"Lydia Bennett, yes," Donna said with a hint of embarrassment.

"Well done! Now, how much did you wager..$12,000 which brings
you to a grand total of $23,000, which means Donna Moss, you are
today's winner with a total of $23,000!"

CJ's office filled with cheers as the Donna on screen smiled widely
and hopped up and down, once, then turned to shake hands with
her competitors.

Josh leapt up and shook his fists in the air, jostling Toby's bowl of
popcorn and causing pieces to spill all over Toby's lap. "Yes!" Josh
crowed, as if he was the winner instead of his assistant.

"She won! She really won!" CJ said happily. Margaret and Ginger
hugged; Carol gave Charlie a high-five.

"You know that this means," Sam said. "This means we have to
watch again tomorrow."

"Actually, what I think this means is that we need to go to Donna's
apartment right now and harass her," Josh said.

"Absolutely," CJ said, already heading for her coat.

After a final round of excited chatter, everyone dispersed to grab
their belongings except for Toby, who grumbled something about
a speech he still had to write. Soon, the only sound in CJ's office
was Pat Sajak's voice, as he cheerfully welcomed Gail the goldfish
to yet another edition of "Wheel of Fortune."

End.